i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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