I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
