My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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