I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
