why didn't you poke me back
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
