AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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