My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize