if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
