some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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