I am in a vortex of obligation.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
