I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize