Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
