So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
