Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
