We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
