I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
you never un-have a 4some
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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