I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have demons in me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
