Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
