For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have fence marks all over my body
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
