a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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