two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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