hotel room ftw
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
