That's intense
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
