Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Mom said you looked used
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
why is half of my head shaved?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
