We named our party play list daddy issues
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
