Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
