Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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