So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
