I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
