also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize