all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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