shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
