we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
