True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
