i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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