Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
