6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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