she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize