Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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