Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
