Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
