guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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