girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
