Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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