K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
