You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
