I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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