OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize