By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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