we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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