Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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