I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize