what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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