it's too hot outside to masturbate.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
