But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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