I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
