Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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