dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
