He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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