Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize