apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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