I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
