I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have fence marks all over my body
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
