theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize