youre lurking in front of me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
