My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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