i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
