Will you blow on my dice?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
