just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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