guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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