My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
