I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
