i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
